Thursday, August 27, 2009

Red Skelton...On Marriage

I got this email from my buddy, Regis ("Reegie") and loved it so thought I'd share:

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail.
For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed.
Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer.
A rerun of great one liners from the man who was known for his clean humor.
I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more


1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have aLittle beverage, good food and companionshipShe goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere....But she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electricToaster and electric bread maker.She said "There are too many gadgets, and no placeTo sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running wellBecause there was water in the carburetor.I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too lateFor the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know herFirst name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 monthsI don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"I said, "Dust!"

And Red Skelton always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."

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