I'm having one of those days when it just seems hope is lost. I don't know whether to rage at the top of my lungs or just huddle up and cry like a frigging baby.
I was at my last job for 10 years. TEN years. A decade of my life. I had great pay, hours, benefits... I was all right. Five years ago the company was bought by another and things started going downhill. This new company didn't give a damn about its people, but I stayed because it was MY job. I'd put in my time to get the extra perks like longer vacation, etc. and I wasn't walking away just because the job was harder and the people were... well, would demons be too harsh?
I stayed. I did my job. While other people manipulated the system to get paid sick time off (and would come back to work bragging about how they'd done it because wasn't anything wrong with them) I'd go in to work and do my job.
While I suffered anxiety attacks after my father's death and constantly had heart palpatations, I went in to work and did my job.
While other people took holidays off, I went in and did my job.
While other people cheated to make it appear like they were doing better, I went in and did my job RIGHT without cheating, manipulating, or scamming.
But I got fired. After TEN years. For what? I still haven't figured that out. Supposedly, my stats weren't good enough, but I'd been in the top half of my team, sometimes in the top three all year. So why weren't the people below me fired? Why weren't the people failing their monitorings every month while I was getting passing scores fired before me? Was it because the company figured firing people making X amount of dollars per hour was cost effective?
I guess because I'm one of the good guys and we just can't catch a break.
Why is it that you can go to the unemployment office and hear people talking about how they aren't even looking for a job because they're getting paid to do nothing. They're tired. They deserve a break, etc. Those people are there for their six-week follow-ups. You know why I'm there? I'm still trying to GET unemployment. I was fired at the end of August and haven't gotten a single unemployment check. I signed all the papers, gave all the info, claim every 2 weeks, but I don't get any money. I go down there and talk to the people, sign my name on the dotted line... Still no check.
And I'm putting in applications. I'd like to have a job. You'd think ten years worth of steady employment would help me out, but I can't even get a callback. I go on the government job postings site daily to look for work. There were some great jobs on there I applied for, went in and tested for, and though I got good scores I received an email saying my test scores and info would remain on file through 10/2010 and would be called in for interview as positions became available. Why bother testing people if you're not hiring? Furthermore, why did I just see a posting go up for the same job but this time it states "Must be a current employee of..." That's real good, Kentucky. Hire people who all ready have jobs. Forget the rest of us who have kids to feed and no income.
So what do I do now? Keep writing while I have nothing to do during the day and hope I create a bestseller that will actually pay my bills? Keep hoping to hit the lottery? I won't win. I allready know because if I won the Powerball and had millions of dollars I'd give away 90% of it to charity. So I won't win. It'll go to someone who'll spend it on breast implants, yachts, constant vacation, and drugs.
Because that's the way things work in reality.
But I'll still be "the good guy." I'll still try to do what's right rather than lower myself to the level of a cheat or a thief. I'll give what I can and keep on hoping for the best.
Good guys have to win something sometime. I just can't quit having faith. God's watching over us all. I know He sees what I'm going through. Hopefully I , and the many others going through hard times, will catch a break soon.